the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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