You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
