He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
