There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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