first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
