i don't like sucking hair
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
