just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
