so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
