god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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