my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
