I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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