Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
