this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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