The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
