Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
