Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
