I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
