Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
