Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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