maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize