I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
