be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
