pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
