I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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