i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
