you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
