Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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