I molested 6 butterflies tonight
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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