It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
