someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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