dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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