Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
