I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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