I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize