Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just googled if crying burns calories
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
