So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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