Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
