Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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