Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
