We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
