omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
