i think my tv is drunk
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
