Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The air taste purple.
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