i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
