Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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