Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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