I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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