I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
