sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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