I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
