the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
