woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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