I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
