Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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