You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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