you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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