I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
