I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
