im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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