He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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