u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
