Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
