Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
