This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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