she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
