plz talk dirty to me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
