Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
