i think my mom watched the whole time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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