rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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