i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
