twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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