You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is my gift to your gina
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
