I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
