she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
