He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
