Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
