My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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