We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
please come you make the beer taste better
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
